In the Spiral of Existence -Toxic Relationship or Lesson from Love?

12 Mar

Many of us feel like we are stuck ‘looking after’ others our whole lives. We watch as they drain our resources and we do not get ahead in achieving our own aspirations. We wonder why our kindness and help are not effective in changing people’s  neediness. Why they don’t get up on their own feet and take our example to – as the song says –  ‘get a haircut and get a real job’!

I have used the word ‘toxic’ in this title because there is so much ‘out there’ that addresses this as a ‘problem’ which  needs to be solved and against which we must defend ourselves in the future. Everyday on social media we see advice about ending these relationships.

But what if they are people we love? What if they are family? It’s not so easy, then, to set those boundaries. But set them we must. We can see it’s a spiral of existence that needs to be reversed.

I once had a text from a person whom I had attracted into my life, which was abusive and downright nasty, accusing me of being everything I know I’m not.

I was dopey enough to engage in an exchange (which to my mind was fair, reasonable and understanding on my part), which simply gave reason for them to feel they could come back into my life gain to exploit my desire to be ‘kind’ and ‘helpful’ once more. Of course I allowed it – gave them ‘one more chance’ to be a ‘decent’ person! (Like me?!)

But despite all that, I accept that it was me who attracted them in order to serve the lesson. Certainly my gut instinct warned me from the very start what I was in for.

I remember my emotions at the time, foaming with anger, resentment and outrage. I came to realise my ‘very reasonable’ response was  self righteous and judgemental!

It is only by taking responsibility for my own behaviours , and recognising MY role in creating the behaviours of others, that I can hope to bring positive change in my life and in the lives of those I interact with. S’not my fault? Most people live lives covered in their own snot! We can clean ourselves up or ignore our own condition and try to clean up others. Well – they don’t like it!  Especially when they see the slime dripping off OUR noses!

Wow! That discovery has lead me to realise my condition was no better or worse, and needed to be addressed way before I could hope to advise anyone else.

Our thoughts, by the way, are behaviours in themselves, tangible actions which affect others and the world. We need to watch them mindfully, stay fully in the present to monitor them, and give them forward into love whenever we catch one born of an absence of it.

As a result, I can say I am learning to feel genuine compassion for the soul buried in a human psyche which sees the world and other people as the reason for all problems and negative events and which are potentially harmful and destructive to their needs.

Mine is that soul!

It is my own human psyche that needs to transform. And because all is connected, my own transformation will impact on others.

When I have achieved this, such people will no longer be coming into my life. I will be able to enjoy giving to those in need without  feeling  either exploited OR superior. I will be assertive without guilt OR judgement.

In the meantime, we must create our boundaries and take steps to stand up for our right for the freedom to choose who to help and for how long, putting a stop to behaviours which impinge on the right to that choice, despite our feelings. And we must work on transforming those feelings with, through and in Love!

Primarily the experience served my desire to drop judgment from my life. Perhaps, as this person  evolves, it will serve them as well. Perhaps it will serve you, too, without the need to call such a thing in!

The following is a selection from a ‘channel’ I did with ‘I AM’ – High Self – God (this form of communication is available to all of us. Some call it prayer or meditation. It is a powerful way to recieve advice when the intention driving it is heart based and truly desires the highest good for ALL. I was questioning my judgement, my motives and guilt in order to find solutions through love and feel peace and compassion around the situation. I wanted to avoid self righteousness – which I could observe in my emotions.)

‘You created this situation. You came into the world knowing these things might happen to challenge you into seeing the truth of who you are.

Now you are sorry – SO READY – to forgive – GIVE FORward into the love that you truly are – all of the feelings, expectations, prejudices and judgments that you have created about yourself (guilt) and others (judgement) and they about themselves, others and you!

And you desire to feel gratitude for those who have come into your life to give you this gift of experience – you brought their energy to you for that reason. So you are thankful to yourself also.

And when they throw their poison at you, you now understand that from where they are, it is the only thing they can do. And their choice is honoured, for they are trapped in a defensive position against a world they see as hostile to their existence, and their hopes for their future and must fight to survive. You understand this for it is your experience, also.

Their poison cannot touch you, though, when you know you are in light. It is their choice and none of yours that they wish to destroy you from their place abSINt of love.

Now, with you in love with who YOU truly are, send love to them knowing that is who they are, too – even as you refuse to empower them any longer with your servility. This is forgiveness. It allows them to be free to choose love, too.

They may choose to move out of your life. Do not follow for you cannot make their journey for them. The kind and generous things you have done for them, and also the kind things they have done for you, with whatever motivation, will not bring change. Love will – when they are evolved enough to see it within themselves.

It really is ALL about love, the human choice to embrace it and God’s need, YOUR need, OUR need to be able to define it and then experience it as Heaven on Earth.

And so it is!’


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